Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Somebody's gotta nail that girl's fins to the floor

So over in the Disneyland that has become my living room, Vivian has begun to learn that all of these Disney Princesses have movies attached to them.  So we've been on a pretty steady rotation of Tangled, The Princess and the Frog, Cinderella, and now The Little Mermaid.  (She asks for the Belle movie and Aurora movie constantly, but we haven't gotten them yet.)  Now, I can't say that I mind it too much, especially since she started watching The Little Mermaid.  I mean, The Little Mermaid is pretty much awesome, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I spent part of my childhood pretending that I had a tail instead of legs and brushing my hair with a fork.  But watching that movie now, as an adult makes me see it just a little bit differently, so now you get one of my overthinking rants.

Okay - even as a kid the whole premise of the movie kind of annoyed me.  I mean, Ariel, dude.  You're a freaking MERMAID.  That's pretty much the coolest thing that you can be of anything ever.  Your hair always looks awesome, you're a princess, you have no bills, you apparently don't go to school or anything (although maybe that's because she's 16, she's not a child!)  YOUR LIFE IS AWESOME.  Listen to the rastafarian crab - It's hotter under the water!  Then you stare at this guy on a boat like a total stalker and then spend literally about 30 seconds with him on a beach and you're ready to give up your entire life?  Mermaids are cooler than humans.  End of story.

Secondly - I'm sorry, but is Ariel illiterate or something?  She reads and signs a contract with Ursula, but then can't spend some time to write Eric a freaking note to explain why she doesn't have a voice?  She doesn't even have to tell him the whole crazy backstory, just be like, "Yo, I lost my voice, but I'm totes that girl on the beach from before.  Do you like me?  Check Yes, No, Maybe."  Although maybe you could go into the whole backstory, since Eric doesn't seem to be phased AT ALL when she turns back into a mermaid on the boat.  Whatevs.

I would much rather watch the Hipster Ariel movie, what about you guys?


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