Friday, 23 December 2011

Radvent: Day 23 - Presence


It's always surprising to me when someone comments on how I appear.  Not how I look, but how I appear to be.  Usually, I'm incredibly transparent.  People can always tell when something is bothering me or when my mind is somewhere else.  I tend to wear my emotions right smack in the middle of my face and have a hard time hiding what I'm thinking.

Every now and then though, someone will make a weird comment.  It happens a lot with Vivian.  

"You're so calm with her.  Is she your first?  You seem so relaxed?"

Really?!  Because inside I feel like a complete and utter failure with food in her hair and suitcases under her eyes.  How could I possibly be calm?  Am I putting on some sort of brave face instead of the look of sheer misery that I feel like I'm showing?

Or are they seeing a different level?  Am I somehow breaking through the exhausted exterior to show that at my core I know what I'm doing?  Or are they just getting things complete wrong?

I'd like to think they know something I don't.

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