Monday, 21 November 2011

So when are you going to have another baby?

It's funny how people work.  When you are dating someone, everyone wants to know when you're moving in together.  Then you move in, and people ask when you're getting engaged.  You get engaged, they want to know when you're getting married.  You get married and they start asking about kids.  You have a kid, and they start asking when you're having another kid.

It's exhausting.

For us, the short answer to this question is no time soon, if ever.  At this point, with Vivian being nearly 1, I don't have any desire to have another baby.  I don't want to go through being pregnant again, I don't want to have a newborn again, and I really don't want to see how Vivian handles having a baby around that demands all my attention.  I just don't feel that need, that feeling of "not being done".  I honestly feel like I could be very okay with just having Vivian.  I think she could be enough.  A psychic actually once told me that I would only have one baby, and that it would be a very strong child.  Sounds like Vivian to me.

On the other hand, I don't necessarily want Vivian to grow up as an only child.  I don't want her to have to miss out on all those fun brother and sister things, and I worry about her being alone if anything were to happen to Jagger and I.  Of course, there are lots of ways to make a family.  Maybe there's a better option for us.  Vivian absolutely loves playing with older kids.  It's like she was made to be a little sister.  Who knows, maybe we could adopt, or maybe I'll follow in my mom's footsteps and be a foster parent.  Maybe we'll end up adopting one of my mom's foster kids - who knows!  All I know is I'm not attached to the idea of having another baby of my own.  I've always wanted to be a billet family for the local Junior B level hockey team, so maybe that could be a fun option of helping to raise and support a kid without them being a biological part of the family.

There's lots of options out there, and there's lots of time to explore them.  And who knows, maybe I'll be eating my words in a few years when I suddenly get the urge to be pregnant again.

How do other people feel?  Do you know absolutely when you want other kids?  Is anyone else completely ambivalent about it, or am I some kind of baby-hating monster?


Dan Brown said...

You are a wise person.

Eleven's Ink said...

wow, to be so honest with one's self is the best choice! I love how you are not afraid to think outside the box. I don't want any kids so fear not, you are not a baby-hating monster lol

Stacey said...

With B, I didn't want any more kids any time soon, but knew I wanted another one. Being so much younger then my siblings, I knew the feelings of an only child. Once baby fever hit though, it was like I want another baby today! After M, we knew we were DONE!! Don't get me wrong, I still crave the sweet smell of a newborn, but I have others to help me with that ;) You're still young, you have lots of time to decide what's best for the three of you

Greg said...

I'll tell you from experience that it does get harder as they grow up, seeing them lonely. I sometimes wish we'd had another one but I also know in my heart and head that my marriage might not have survived it. I have several friends with more than one child and it definitely makes a huge difference once they get to the age where they can look after each other and interact. But to get there, you've got to go through all the newborn stuff with another child around! I don't think I have to tell you how tough that can be :)

It sounds to me like you have some viable alternatives there though and it never hurts to leave those doors open.